Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

by | Oct 16, 2014 | Resources and Recommendations

I am a HUGE fan of Brené Brown! There are so many reasons I can’t stop listening to, reading and recommending her work. First, she’s a social worker. She admits this publically – and I infer – proudly. Second, she studies vulnerability. Dr. Brown has made a career of listening to stories of shame and vulnerability and reporting her findings to us.

I see vulnerability every time I see people in crisis. These shaken souls that just experienced a powerful, overwhelming and unexpected event are raw with sadness, anger, fear, worry, dread, uncertainty, panic, etc. These reactions are a natural – and expected – response to a critical event. Yet, no matter how many times we explain these “normal” reactions, there are still those that shame themselves (or another) and label as “weak” for feeling and reacting at all.

Explore that further and find those that “should” themselves. They should have seen it coming. They should have stopped it from happening. They should have reacted faster, better, etc. Dr. Brown explains that we all have the “not good enough” voice. Take that “critic-voice” and add a critical incident and you have the potential for self-focused shame or others-focused blame.

In her book (and additional TED Talks, lectures, etc. – see below for links), Dr. Brown examines our uncomfortable relationship with vulnerability and shame and shares the path to overcoming and living “wholehearted”. Dr. Brown’s work is relevant for crisis supporters to understand the power and importance of empathy and connection for those suffering.

“Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.”

If shame is the disease then empathetic connection is the cure. The power of crisis support is found in the desire to connect (and accept) – with great empathy – those that suffer and struggle. It is also through providing small group “debriefings” that we offer a safe space for vulnerable teammates to connect with each other, then give and receive the gift of acceptance and support to each other.

For someone who studies vulnerability and shame, Dr. Brown is simply inspirational. The title of her book is taken from a Theodore Roosevelt quote (see below) – sometimes referred to as “the man in the arena”.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” ― Theodore Roosevelt

The people that crisis supporters serve are in the “arena” everyday putting their lives on the line so that all lives can be better. Their faces are “marred by dust and sweat and blood” at the end of each shift (and sometimes at the end of each call). They “dare greatly” everyday to be good enough to save, rescue, help, repair and heal. And then a critical incident comes along – they never saw coming – and they suddenly believe themselves (or those around them) failures.

As crisis supporters, it is our responsibility and joy to remind these heroes “it is not the critic (or critical incident) who counts…” but the “credit belongs to the [one] in the arena…who strives valiantly…who strives to do the deeds…”

You want to ensure that you are never involved in a critical incident – it’s easy: Don’t show up! But for those who’ve ever been broken, burning and bleeding as a result of an incident they never saw coming – it’s the risk they take each time they show up and step up. Let there not be shame, but may those that “show up” connect to each other with great appreciation, love and acceptance for the work worth doing and the life worth living.

More Resources from Brené Brown

Dorie is a partner and co-founder of Crisis Support Solutions, LLC. Dorie counsels individuals and groups on various issues ranging from stress/trauma, depression/anxiety, relationship/family, grief/loss, victimization, etc. She trains coordinated and managed crisis intervention teams at multiple locations. Dorie has developed and taught courses in basic and advanced crisis intervention training programs. She is also a Compassion Fatigue Educator with the Academy of Traumatology.