When Left In Isolation…

I grabbed my cup of coffee this morning and started sipping.  I must have gotten distracted because I walked away from it for a bit.  By the time I came back to it, my coffee was cold.  Well, it wasn’t cold, per se; it just wasn’t as hot as it was when I first poured it.

This was once explained to me by a professor at the University of Houston as an example of “entropy”.

“Anything left in isolation,” he started, “will naturally move to a disorganized state.”  Instantly, I thought how true that was for humans (not just coffee).  Most of us don’t do well when left in isolation.  There’s a reason our prison system uses isolation as an additional form of punishment.

In isolation, we too become disorganized.  Our thinking becomes distorted.  Our imagination can turn delusional – even paranoid.  In isolation, we make up stories and (can) make poor choices.  I experience this every time my wife goes out of town and I’m left “in isolation” – the house falls easily into a disorganized state and dinner often consists of cheesy popcorn and a glass of wine.

It’s isolation that (as Romans 1:25 puts it) we “exchanged truth for a lie.”  It’s in isolation that we begin to think and believe that we’re alone, no one cares and I don’t matter.  It’s in isolation that suicide (for some) becomes an option.  As Dr. Thomas Joiner explains why people die by suicide – in short – they believe they are a burden to others, that they are all alone and no longer afraid to die.

THIS is the power of the peer.  THIS is the power of connection.

As Peers, we are trained to show up, lean in and listen up.  We recognize the importance of standing with and walking beside a person in need.  Sure, we respect people’s boundaries and need for space.  But, we also recognize that isolating – especially during a difficulty – is unnecessary (and potentially unsafe).

Connecting with people satisfies two of our deepest human needs:
(1) the need to connect and (2) the need to matter.

Peer support programs satisfy the core of the human experience by communicating: Your hurt hasn’t gone unnoticed and you’re not alone. 

When left in isolation, we too move towards a disorganized (distorted) state.  When left in isolation, we can begin to believe that no one cares and we don’t matter.  Just like my up of coffee, we too lose energy and lack “heat” necessary to problem-solve and perform at top levels.

Connection is key.  When connected to people who care, we are introduced to a “heat source” that bolsters and empowers.  As we warm to the idea that we are worthy of love and support, we gain energy from esteem – the type of energy that creates, explores, invests and expands.  THIS is the power of the Peer!  THIS is the power of connection and care!

[Author’s note: The University of Houston professor asked me to promise that when I talk about Physics, the laws of thermodynamics and entropy that I would tell my audience that I am using these terms as a “metaphor” and that I am not, in any way, teaching science and the actual laws themselves.  This is me, keeping my promise.  My horrible attempt at understanding (much less explaining) entropy was used here as a “metaphor” for the human condition…and a darn good metaphor if I do say so myself!  Thank you Professor for spending that time with me.  It remains one of my favorite conversations I’ve had to date.]