Abba’s Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging

by | Oct 31, 2017 | Care Ministry Response

I read a workbook once that quickly outlined the “6 A’s” every child needs. The list was pushed to the bottom of the page and rarely referenced again. The workbook was about surviving emotional abuse – something I work with quite a lot. I thumbed through the pages early in my career and the only thing that has stuck with me since are the “6 A’s” every child needs.

  • Acceptance
  • Approval
  • Appreciation
  • Ability
  • Affirmation
  • Affiliation

Through the years, my clients and I have discovered these are “A’s” every adult needs too.

During one of my first traumatic experiences, I lost a sense of acceptance, approval, affiliation, and so on. For many people in crisis, these “A” themes follow the wake of a critical incident and continue to disrupt and (potentially) destroy individuals, families, groups, organizations, etc.

The “A” of “acceptance” is profound for people in crisis. There is an immediate and innate struggle to accept a new – unwanted – reality. Some also struggle to accept themselves and others. At times, the struggle to accept gives way to rejection. Hurting people may often reject themselves, others, ideals, once deeply held beliefs, etc. Hurting people may also feel rejected by others, organizations, systems, ideals and beliefs that once sustained them.

Following my “incident”, I was “stuck” for years feeling rejected. As I continued my work of helping others in crisis, I held within me a hurt that – on occasion – would give rise to anger or understandable depression. Until one day our clinical social work intern handed me a copy of Brennan Manning’s: Abba’s Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging.

As she handed me the book, she simply said, “It’s a book about acceptance and love…something I thought you could use.” Because of my overwhelming love and respect for – my then intern and now dear friend – Ally, I read this book.

I often think it hyperbole when someone says, “This book changed my life!” But during the time of my life when I needed more than anything to reconnect to a Divine presence and breathe in unadulterated love and acceptance – the words of Brennan Manning changed my perspective and – essentially – my life.

For those struggling for love and acceptance, I recommend Abba’s Child as an opportunity to understand the need and necessity of “belonging”. For those struggling to love and accept, I recommend Abba’s Child as a directional guide to deepen understanding of the “kingdom” of belonging.

“[The] insistence on the absolutely indiscriminate nature of compassion within the Kingdom is the dominant perspective of almost all of Jesus’ teaching.

What is indiscriminate compassion? ‘Take a look at a rose. It is possible for the rose to say, “I’ll offer my fragrance to good people and withhold it from bad people”? Or can you imagine a lamp that withholds its rays from a wicked person who seeks to walk in its light? It could do that only be ceasing to be a lamp. And observe how helplessly and indiscriminately a tree gives its shade to everyone, good and bad, young and old, high and low; to animals and humans and every living creature — even to the one who seeks to cut it down. This is the first quality of compassion — its indiscriminate character.’ (Anthony DeMello, The Way to Love)…

What makes the Kingdom come is heartfelt compassion: a way of tenderness that knows no frontiers, no labels, no compartmentalizing, and no sectarian divisions.”

― Brennan Manning, Abba’s Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging

This book delivered for me a sense of acceptance that I had not realized before. I belong whether I want to or not. I am accepted whether I want it or not. Being loved is not an expression of my ability or my achievements – it just is. I am loved, accepted and belong.

I wish this reality for all who hurt – and have been hurt…for all who have rejected – and have been rejected…for all who deeply need to feel, know and believe you are loved, accepted and belong.

 

Dorie is a partner and co-founder of Crisis Support Solutions, LLC. Dorie counsels individuals and groups on various issues ranging from stress/trauma, depression/anxiety, relationship/family, grief/loss, victimization, etc. She trains coordinated and managed crisis intervention teams at multiple locations. Dorie has developed and taught courses in basic and advanced crisis intervention training programs. She is also a Compassion Fatigue Educator with the Academy of Traumatology.