How can I support someone overwhelmed with shame?

Check out this audio clip (5:54): “Meet Distorted Shame with Fairness”.

As helpers, we often meet with people overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and shame.  Part of our work is to asses and determine if the guilt / shame that they are feeling is “fair”.  As I say in the clip: I don’t mind you feeling mad, sad, worried, guilty or ashamed…I just want to make sure that those feelings are fair (appropriate) to the situation.  Blaming yourself for your partner’s suicide is not fair to you, and, therefore, the feelings that follow will not be fair (healthy, helpful, etc.) for you.

In the clip, I discuss the importance of identifying distorted thoughts and grounding individuals to fairness in order to promote healing and recovery.

Having said that, there are times when the individual is right and justified in his guilt.  There is no way around it – he messed up.  In this case, feelings of guilt / shame are not based on distortions; they are, instead, accurate and appropriate for the situation.  Given that, I discuss ways to support people through the process of guilt / shame and the important lessons that follow.