Crisis of Reality

There’s an interesting thing that happens with some following a critical incident – they experience a crisis of reality.  (At least, that’s what I’m calling it.)  You will know when someone is in a “crisis of reality” because they say “If only…” a lot.

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“If only I would have gotten to them sooner… ”  “If only I would have been able to get their exact location…”  “If only …they would be alive today.”

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This type of thinking and believing indicates a mind facing toward fantasy instead of grounded in reality.  IF ONLY is an indication of what I “wish” could be and not what actually is.  “If only…” focuses one’s energy and attention to that which is not real or actual then holds the “believer” (the one in crisis) accountable to the fantasy and not the reality.  Thus follows the “should haves…,” “could haves…,” and “would haves…”; leaving the one in crisis feeling guilt and potential shame.

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The crisis responder must ground the individual to reality and not fantasy.  We are not hobbits or superheroes.  I would love to teleport to work or vacation and avoid the frustration of travel.  I would love to fly or shoot fire from my eyes.  I would love to be the “mother of dragons” (see HBO’s Game of Thrones).  But these abilities and titles live in fantasy and fiction.  We see them on the big screen, small screen and read them in books.  But no where do these “abilities” exist in our real world.

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In our real world, we are confined to the facts that are given to us; confined to technology in front of us; confined to training provided for us.  We are bound to the limits of reality and we must hold ourselves accountable to that reality.

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MHPs & Peers: Remember your training on “cognitive reframing” and ground them to reality.  To recover from a critical incident more quickly, remind the individual to avoid “if only” thinking and recognize that we do the best we can within the limitations found within our own reality.

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