What’s in a Name?

I wanted to pass along some feedback that was recently shared with me.  I found this feedback valuable and I hope you do too.

During a recent “call-out,” my team and I facilitated a small group debriefing to a distressed construction crew following a tragic accident involving a sudden death of their foreman.  The group was small – 5 of them and 2 of us.  Prior to the debrief (7-Phase for those we’ve trained), my CISM teammate and I provided 1-on-1s.  We met with management and crew alike.  A few days later, we put chairs in a circle and provided the 7-phase.  The group was on-point and the process provided the appropriate space to share their perspective, fill in gaps, vent frustrations, and encourage each other.

The process was helpful.

A day or two later, one of those group participants stopped by my office to give me an update.  He told me that he actually enjoyed talking in that group and hearing from the other guys as well.  I told him that I was grateful that each of them – and I said their names – participated.  He stopped me right there.

“I want to share something with you I’m not sure you’ve ever heard before…”

Instinctually, I got nervous and braced myself – unsure of what was coming next.

“You don’t know us from Adam.  We’ve never met before 3-days ago…”  I nodded my head in agreement.  “But I can tell that you made a point to learn each of our names and you knew our names and every time you talked to us, you said our name…”

“What did that mean to you?” I asked.

“You knew this was personal for us.  We didn’t lose a ‘coworker’ on Monday; we lost [he said the man’s name].”

The teaching point he shared with me – that I want to share with you – is that these “call-outs” that we tend to are deeply personal and overwhelming for those involved.  When the call first comes in, CISM responders are given information like: CONSTRUCTION ACCIDENT; GUY DIED; 5 OF THE COWORKERS WERE ON SITE WHEN IT HAPPENED; COWORKERS ATTEMPTED CPR UNTIL EMS ARRIVED; GUY DIED IN ROUTE TO HOSPITAL.

That’s exactly the information that was given to me on this call-out.  But once my team got on scene, we quickly scrambled gathering better intel, more personal intel.  What was his name? Who was his best friend or friends?  Who was his mentor? Where is his wife and children?  Who is his boss or bosses?  And we get names! And we call each of them by their names!

You don’t have to be a psychology major to know that individuals are fond of their names and when you call them by their name, they become more fond of you.  This is a simply, rapport-building practice.

Crisis Responders: make a practice of learning and memorizing the names of the people you provide assistance.  Learn their names quickly and use their names often.  This will make your practice more personal, build rapport more quickly and lay the ground-work for building trust and safety for those in crisis.

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